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March 30th, 2015


06:50 am - The cruise

So my husband took me on a cruise for a week.   It was wonderful.   The downside. . Angela was there.   Her family,  her mom,  Mike's mom and Rosie.    The food was part at best,  but they did crepes!   I love crepes!  So I got chocolate whipped creme crepes,  with chocolate and whipped creme and sprinkles on top!   Awesome!   The room was the normal microscopic size,  and fortunately Rosie was able to stay with Ellen.    Gave her more space,  gave us more space.   Devon was looking good. ... he was in our room on the bunk.   He stayed out late alot hiring on naked women.   Matt made a short lived girlfriend too.
So,  first port,  Cozumel.  We did the all inclusive beach party.   I saw a baby squid,  and eric chased it around.   We tried kayaking.... I thought Eric was going to kill me.   Future kayaking will be an individual thing.   Oh,  and we had wifi.  Very exciting!  
Second port was Belize.  I shopped.  Got bamboo yoga pants and awesome bedsheets.   Eric abs the boys went on a disaster of an excursion.   Over paid and barely got what it was worth.   That port was just as bad as Jamaica.
Third port,  Roatan.  Eric and I want to move there.   It is so beautiful.  We snuba-ed again over paid,  but it was worth it.   The taxi ride was just as entertaining.   His accent was so thick. The monkeys were capuchin monkeys,  but he said cappuccino and the parrots were pirates.  And for future reference,  I need to ask for more weights.   I'm to bouyant.
Last stop was playa maya. Again we stayed at the port.   We were getting boat lagged.  7 night cruise is to long.  
Other than that plaited in the casino a bit.   Won wine and a dice.   So did Devon.   Watched some comedy shows.   They were ish.   And elements.   It was okay,  the magicians weren't that good,  but they are better than Missouri.

So,  new orleans. ... we get there a day before the cruise,  because I want to see the town.   Dale gets a flat and we sit in the side of the road for 3 hours.   Morning of the cruise,  we get a rushed tour of the French Quarter.   Drive by Madam Lalaurie's mansion.  And drive down bourbon  street.   So not a total loss.   However,  the drive home. ... the ac died. ...


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March 11th, 2015


07:44 am - Hell

Doing safety council today.   And tomorrow.  And Friday.   And the Monday after I get back.   Kill me now.  

Been out in the O.Z. a lot lately. .... Shell -and my glorious accident,  chevron,  bayer. ....was supposed to be at 3m last week in the W.Z. but I apparently needed to get bronchitis instead.   I'm finally starting to get over it. ...happy wiggle!   But,  because of it,  my house looks like a disaster.   I'm going to try to clean a bit before we leave on the cruise.    That is this weekend.   I'm super excited!   And concerned. ... very small room,  4 people.  I will make the best of it.   I am especially looking forward to not cooking!   The down side is no kate.   Sad face.   It will be 2 weeks with no contact. .. not that I really get to touch her anymore anyway. .... by the time I get to see her before we leave.   (Physical contact) That makes me really sad and kinda hurt.   Then I won't see her for at least another week.   I just want to hug her,  and not let go,  but I'm not allowed to.   I know "you can't rush a heart" but I really really really wish kate and eric would bond faster.  
....grumble. ... my legs are sore. .. but in the plus side,  they are warm!
Went to chris's 4th birthday.   I was crazy sick and thought I was going to die. ... but I had to buy him old people stuff.   Steve 's baby shower was the next day.   It went better. Less feeling of dying.
Let's see ...what else. ... I get to see New orleans on Saturday.  Oh,  Eric crapped his pants.   He is sick too. ..and before taking matt home,  he coughed or sneezed. ... and squirt.


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February 27th, 2015


06:56 am - Total mess

I don't know where to start. ...I'm so upset and emotional and hysterical,  but totally calm externally.   I guess the fear and paranoia ate keeping me together.  
I have noticed that Kate has been having more difficulty lately.   Naturally,  she went with me to see Phil.   A lot of things got stirred up.   She admitted to being apprehensive to Eric,  and that sex with him was getting more difficult among other things.   We decided to talk to Eric about it.   That was pain full.   We re negotiated the situation.   Kate needs to build more of a connection to Eric.   Potential date night was thrown around.   She just can't keep pretending,  and i don't want her to.   I want her to be happy.   I want the three of us to work.   I want Eric to be happy. One compromise was that we start over.   Kate only does what she is comfortable to do with Eric, with me.    All this seems logical,  but I have this weird feeling.   It feels like Eric is using the situation for the power over me.   There is a lot he has been doing lately that is similar.   ....
I don't know.   I don't know if I'm seeing it more because of the situation or if he is doing it more.   And I'm doing every thing I can not to start resenting him for it.  Things like,  I know Kate is really hurting right now.   I can see it,  I can feel it, but I'm not allowed to comfort her.   I can't hold her or comfort her with out Eric pointing out that in doing too much.   Kate must really feel alone right now,  and it is causing me so much pain.   Other things he does when Kate is around bother me.   Like he pushes me away,  and anything I do to him, (hug,  kiss,  cuddle,  pay him attending) I always gets these skeptical looks or looks of "why is she looking at me?"  Then he gets upset that I don't hug/kiss/whatever and takes it out on me.   And then on top of that, when things are going well,  and the three of us are having a good time,  he brings up the blow job topic.   That just reminds me how much I don't make him happy.   Or that he will never trust me. ....again,  not making him happy.   I guess because I make him so miserable,  he is trying to do the same?   I don't know.  
I can't let too much pain be seen,  I can't let him see exactly how hurt I am. .... then he will say  "it isn't working"  and then I will want to die.     Maybe he doesn't realize the enormity of this juncture.   If he says no more Kate, then she is gone.   Not just broken up,  she will never see me or talk to me ever again.   I don't know if I can live with that.    I don't know if he knows that. ...or maybe that is his plan.   
My heart feels so fragile right now.   My stomach is getting worse.   If Eric would just get off his high horse,  and Kate could just open up a little,  then there is a chance.

Please,  let this chance work.   I'm actually praying. .... don't know who to,  but I'm going to keep praying till things work.  


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February 26th, 2015


06:38 am - Queen of drama

It has been a while since I made time to write.   I feel more secure in my job now.   They are talking about prong me on a 2 to 5 year plan to get in to industrial process.   That kinda excites me.   On the flip side of that coin,  Tuesday sucked balls.   Started off,  trying to see what was tripping the breaker for the freezer.   Which lead me arguing with "hitler" that the breaker was not wired how he thought it was.   Any how,  was wire  nutted  phase to phase.   Cooler. ... climbed in top,  ran new wire,  wired fan into light system.   Back to freezer. ..  decided it had mixed refrigerant.   Recovered,  replaced.   Same problem.   Freezer wouldn't get below 10°.  Another cooler went down.   Had to replace stat. .. so being tired at this point,  I went to go wrap up the other building. .... it was a king valve.    Cryptic,  I know,  but that is all I'm going to say.

Took Kate with me to Phil yesterday.   This is going to open a can of worms.   I'm probably just over reacting because she got emotional about it.  
Eric is sick. ..and acting weird.   I don't like it when he gets this way.   I really hate when he gets skeptical about me caring.   It makes me want to punch him in the face,  but then I feel bad about thinking that because he is sick.
So my stomach has been weird lately.   It hurts or the is weird tension,  or I'm hungry at weird times. ... I think it is stress.   A lot of drama has gone on,  mostly with work,  the past few weeks and I think it is the residual weight of the stress.


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February 19th, 2015


03:05 pm - Unpredictable

I feel like things are really smoothing out.   Will,  at least in the relationship side of things.   The antsy feelings I have been getting are going away.   I feel Eric is becoming more comfortable towards Kate, Kate as always is taking a lot of time.   But we had an upset moment.   I misunderstood her when talking about getting a job.   I was concern that she would be driving to cs every day when living with us.   Then I panicked to some degree.  I am always afraid that I am pushing her to much,  that I force her into situations she isn't ready for.  So I asked her point blank.   And that upset her.   She said she did want to live with us.   That has quieted my mind so much.   I still feel bad about upsetting her.   Then I got upset that I don't get as upset over Eric.   But then I realize I do,  just not over as trivial issues.  
Now,  at work.   Totally different.   Pete had been threatening to quit and the bragging about the other company ready to hire him.   Then Doug and Jim started offering him the world.   Then I hear about how he talks about Spencer. .... I called Jim thinking Pete was talking bad behind my back too. .  Apparently everyone at the office is happy with me.   In the end,  Pete stayed with Letsos and is being nice to Spencer.  
Yesterday!  I went to Washington on the Brazos to help Jason replace some heaters.   That place has a post office,  the idea of a hard ware store,  and 18 residents.   And a state of the art park.  Pft.
And today,  I got to play with aru's ammonia chillers. ..all out at bayer!   I'm in a good mood.   I am thinking I want to get laid tonight ..... ;-)


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February 12th, 2015


09:07 am - Crossfire fire

So,  little concerned that this whole Pete situation is getting to inflammatory.  .... I have been working with Pete all week.   He had been telling me how he is quitting and the new company is giving him the sun and the moon. ....and letsos is offering him heaven and earth to stay.    In lou of all this he is shit talking Spencer to no end,  which is really starting to sound blown out of proportion.   He is also talking me up.   But when the shit his the fan,  I don't know where I stand.  
This morning I ran into Spencer,  and he is at a loss as to what is going on. ...he thought he just got the wrong grease.   So he urged me to call Jim.   I did.   I feel better.  I told him I was uncomfortable with how Pete was blowing things out of proportion,  and that I was worried he is doing the same to me.   Jim told me all he gets is positive reinforcement about me.   Yay!  But we talked more about the situation.   I gave my opinions. .... what happens now?  I don't know.   Is Pete going to stay?  Is Spencer getting fired?  Are we keeping a boiler division?   But there is talk of sending me to boiler classes. ...yay!

So three more job offers. ..really?  Brandt construction side,  Gowan controls,  and a houston ac inspector. My ego should be bigger.


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February 9th, 2015


07:14 am - The fog

In the I.Z. or really close to it today.   This weekend was of the chain!   Kate came over on Thursday.   Friday I had LPS training, so I got home early to spend time with her.   Shark week doesn't phase her.   Little self serving,  but that makes her that much hotter. We tried to go dancing that night,  but that club was a flop.   It might have been okay-ish if it was just Kate and i, but just not the environment to keep Eric interested.   So,  we went home and played with fire.   Eric went to bed first. ..he had dental raping in the morning.   The last thing I remember was Kate telling me it was time for bed,  and she took off my clothes.   Something I need to work on. .. I think I would have been snappish at Eric if he had done the same thing.   So,  i just say and thought about that.   I think Kate doesn't give me the opportunity to be snappish.   And when I am snappish she ignores it and moves on.   Now,  if I can get Eric to do that,  I think my snappishness might start diminishing.  Saturday morning. ... you know,  for someone who waited for 30 years,  she has damn good skills!   Later we went to the Rory Miggens thing.  Saw the Blaggards.  It was pretty cool.   Afterwards,  we went to play pool.   I had a lot if fun.  I like watching Kate and Eric play.  And,  we danced on each other and flirted.   There was a few down moments... topics I didn't want to be brought up,  and I snapped at both Eric and Kate.   Kate didn't care,  but Eric did. I didn't like him putting my hand on his crotch while we were in public.   I didn't like losing that control.  I hope I don't encounter that problem again.   On the plus side,  going to bed early gave Kate and Eric bonding time.   Then Sunday was just us time.   Walking up next to her is amazing.   To have her on one side Eric on the other. ... my life is perfect.   There are so many things I want to say about her.   Maybe I will do a post just about her. ...


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February 6th, 2015


10:33 am - Long week to happy weekend

Spent the week working for Steve.   I think I disappointed him.   I was trouble shooting an rtaa, and I got stuck in the ct switch when it was a lock rotor.    Sigh.   So,  today I'm getting LPS training at the woodlands ExxonMobil  facility.   This place is beautiful!   But,  my brain is oozing out my ear.
Plus side,  kate is over for the weekend. ..big smiles.


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February 2nd, 2015


05:00 pm - Rtaa

It was cold today,  and tomorrow will suck worse.  I got to work for Steve today.   Change out driers and a sensor.   Then I charged a unit a bit.   29 lbs from one bottle. ...new record.   I feel as though I might have messed up,  but I don't want to disappoint Steve.   ...but I know where the pink fuzz is coming from.   Particulates from the felt gasket are going through the particulate of the drier and getting stuck,  then bleaching out.   Face palm,  I threw away one of the felt gaskets. Live and learn. I want two things right now.   One,  turtle cheesecake.   Two,  Kate to live with us so that we can work it together and push each other to push ourselves to achieve a better workout.  Then. .... 2 justifies 1.


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06:58 am - Simple

Another day.   Waiting at dispatch for a job.   Saw Divergent yesterday.   I like that movie.  
Had some thoughts this weekend.   I think I think too much.


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